LIVE, LEARN, & LOVE SERIES #49. The Cider House Rules (authored by John Irving, 1985)

LIVE, LEARN, & LOVE

Do you take delight in watching films, listening to pop music, or reading books? For English learners, movies, songs, and books are one of the most wonderful sources to explore the language! You can indulge in your favorite pastime and still learn some expressions, words of wisdom, and oftentimes good lessons while you’re at it.

 

#49. Cider House Rules (authored by John Irving’s book, 1985)

This is a novel authored by John Irving in 1985, which was made into a film in 1999. The story is taking place before and after World War II, following a young man named Homer Wells as he is raised in an orphanage under the care and tutelage of a troubled M.D. Wilbur Larch, an obstetrician who also performs abortions. This coming-of-age story portrays Homer’s journey into adulthood as he ultimately leaves to find his own path.

 

(Dr. Wilbur Larch said): “People only ask questions when they're ready to hear the answers.”

=> This line of Dr. Larch indicates the truth or acceptance of an unpleasant truth that comes only when a person is emotionally or mentally ready to cope with it. Most people tend to avoid unpleasant truths or speaking about difficult moral choices until they have to deal with them. The asking of the "question" only occurs when the person has built the courage or desperation to deal with the "answer".

In a medicine context, procrastination doesn't matter if you can bear the answer, so it doesn't matter if you get the answer to get anywhere. In other words, humans can only handle the question, or face the peril unless you're too afraid to ask it. The justification Dr. Larch uses is that he runs an abortion clinic, and he does not want women to make decisions, so he doesn't want to limit their options. He wants them to take ownership of their decisions and he gives them the agency to make it happen.

In the broader context of the book, the quote refers only to the part of the book's theme that formal, "posted", rules (i.e., the Cider House Rules) do not work. The things that are actually rules are about what people experience and learn by themselves. And many people are too ashamed or afraid to ask. When they finally do, it means they are ready for the answer. In other words, the Dr. Larch wanted to say that asking a question doesn't make change or be accepted; you can only live it when you're able to accept or make a change for yourself.

 

‘Being afraid you’ll look like a coward is the worst reason for doing anything.’

=> Making decisions out of fear of being seen as weak is misguided. Instead, actions should be guided by genuine personal convictions rather than worries about others’ opinions. The line underscores the idea that fear of appearing cowardly is a poor basis for any choice. In the novel, this reflects how people of that time often shaped their lives according to societal expectations and the judgments of others.

 

‘The thing that is the hardest to accept about the passage of time is that the people who once mattered the most wind up in parentheses’.

=> One of the hardest aspects of growing older is seeing people who were once deeply important— such as partners, close friends, or family —gradually fade into distant memories or minor footnotes in your life. It captures the quiet sadness of drifting apart, where once-meaningful relationships are reduced to brief recollections. Individuals who once shaped your world take on a smaller, less central role in your personal history over time. It reflects the subtle and often uncomfortable process of becoming strangers again in the end.

 

(Dr. Wilbert Larch repeated to the children at St. Cloud's): “Goodnight, you princes of Maine, you kings of New England”

       => Dr. Wilbur Larch’s nightly blessing to the orphans—“Goodnight, you princes of Maine, you kings of New England,” sometimes extended to include “princesses” and “queens”—captures the doctor’s feelings of compassion within a harsh reality. He repeats this line at St. Cloud’s to help the children (who easily might have felt deprived and deserted by their own biological parents from their birth) feel valued, secure, and at ease. It is like a soothing ritual before sleep to both the doctor and the orphans. The phrase reappears in the final chapter, symbolizing the lasting influence of both Larch and Homer. Though it may seem simply comforting, the author has indicated that the line functions much like a heartfelt prayer, offering emotional reassurance to the children.

  

** Jean’s Small Thoughts:

The novel appears to explore how individuals can claim and preserve true ownership over their own lives. In the past, it was likely much harder for people to assert themselves publicly and speak openly. Although times have changed, modern pressures—such as cancel culture—can still discourage complete honesty and openness. In this book, the harsh truths of unsafe and illegal abortions were the heartless situation that could not be easily solved or unraveled. If you were Dr. Larch, would you focus on the well-being of women as the top priority and willingly help them with abortions? Otherwise, would you rather be on Homer’s side who’s against the idea of keeping the unborn babies’ lives? In either case, whose rules would that be to control or make your decisions? What is, in your own standards, right or wrong? I believe the significance of selecting a purposeful life and assisting others can be achieved frequently by confronting unjust systems in our society.

Another thing I found that stands out in the story is the fleeting nature of life. Everything changes over time, even things or relationships that once seemed permanent. The inevitability of change and the emotional weight of time must feel sad to most of us. Relationships that were once intense and central are pushed into the background, remembered only in passing rather than experienced daily. Have you ever been someone who once meant the world to another person, but gradually faded away from their life over time? Have you had someone like that in your life as well? Either way, we’re all fortunate to have been—or to have had—someone like that, because it means we once held meaning or purpose in someone’s life.