Small thoughts about Love and Marriage between King Arthur's Time and Today

 Does True Love Exist Today?: Marriage and Affection in Arthur’s Time

By Jean Jiyoung Lee

          “[H]e performed many chivalrous deeds for Queen Guinevere, ‘whom he loved above all other ladies all the days of his life.’ And the queen fell in love with him” (Malory). According to The Search For King Arthur, by 15th century Middle English writer Thomas Malory, a man must always put forth one hundred percent of his ardor to truly win over the heart of a woman. Is this still true for men today? Do males continue to put their life on the line for their spouses? Does the duty of popping the question still remain a job for men? Although the passion for winning over a loved one has not changed much since Arthur’s time, morals regarding love, top priorities shifting in life, and different ways of making themselves understood have altered the methods by which humans approach love today.

First things first: the facts are always indisputable. In Arthur's time, human morality was much lower than it is today. Let us explore the story of Uther and Igrayne, for example. King Uther, falling in love with Igrayne at first sight, asks her to "sleep with him". Upon Igrayne leaving secretly during the night, a heartbroken Uther falls sick and does not get better until he "make[s] love to Igrayne" (Malory). Disguised as the Duke of Tintagil (Igrayne's husband), Uther kills a complete stranger in order to sleep with a woman he barely knows just for her good looks. A few decades later, Sir Lancelot, one of Arthur's best knights, is disobeying and betraying his liege lord by loving Arthur's wife, so much so that he is brought to "strike down all those who resist [him]" and kills two knights who he used to fight side-by-side with, Sir Gareth and Sir Gaheris (Malory). On the contrary, morality stands as one of the most important aspects of love and marriage today. The moral code, a system of morality according to subjects such as philosophy, religion, and culture (Wikipedia), basically discourages any type of sexual associations or flirting with people that are married, which is a concept that did not exist in Arthur's time period, and thus was considered perfectly acceptable.

Morality isn't the only thing that has changed over time: priorities in life are a factor that has changed, especially for men, over time as well. Let's take Sir Lancelot as an example once more. According to Eleanor of Aquitaine’s guidelines for Courtly Love, Lancelot displays the third rule perfectly, which is that love is miserable. He cannot "forget his passion for the queen, [and] he found that he could not banish her from her thoughts". And the moment he gets back from his quest for the Holy Grail, Lancelot finds himself "meeting secretly once more" (Malory). Queen Guinevere is the only thing in Lancelot's mind, even in an important quest like the one for the Holy Grail, and all of his attention is distracted by his mind imagining Queen Guinevere, and his top priority is to please her. Nowadays, priorities are quite different, and sometimes never even involve loved ones at all. According to a poll by Collegetimes.us, health, career, and purpose are ahead of relationships and love in top four priorities in twenty-first century living. As one can see from this simple survey, today's society cares much more about their own well-being on the surface of this scary earth than about how their loved ones are facing up to the same dog-eat-dog world.

There is an adage that goes, "The pen is mightier than the sword" (Pen). This is contradictory to what was displayed during Arthur's time period. Arthur and his men were all about the visual-- the action and deeds of valor and great courage displayed to win over the heart of the beloved woman. According to the words of Thomas Malory in The Search for King Arthur, King Arthur and his men "sought to slay the monstrous Questing Beast; they laid siege to castles; they took part in dangerous battles and exciting tournaments; [and] they strove to gain the love of the fair ladies..." (Malory). In the 21st century, things are a little bit more like the adage aforementioned. Conversation and writing have played a key role in telling others that one loved the other, and there aren't many acts of valor to display nowadays that could possibly change the heart of the woman. According to a poll by StLToday, 80% percent of people said they have sent their partner a love letter at some point in their lives, which clearly shows methods of communication have changed over time. 

"Times change, and we change with them" (Latin). A Latin Proverb spoken by an anonymous author centuries ago continues to describe the differences of love changing over time flawlessly. Some may argue that the values in modern times are more desirable when compared to the times of King Arthur, but how can culture be determined as black or white and good or wrong? One thing is for sure: as aforementioned, morals, priorities, and different communication methods changing throughout the years all play a tremendously important role in how our society approaches love today. Where do you think your love and relationship between you and your loved one is standing today and how important are they in your life?

Works Cited

Henderson, Jane. "Poll: Has Thee Written Love Letters?" STLtoday.com. 14 Feb. 2012. Web. 08 Mar. 2012.

"Latin Proverb Quotes." Thinkexist.com. Web. 08 Mar. 2012.

Malory, Thomas. The Search for King Arthur. Trans. Christopher Hibbert. New York: American Heritage Pub., 1969. Print.

"Marriage, a History." Psychology Today. Psychologytoday.com, 21 July 2008. Web. 08 Mar. 2012.

"Moral Code." Wikipedia. Wikimedia Foundation, 20 Mar. 2012. Web. 07 Mar. 2012.

Neininger, Kim. "A Character Analysis of Sir Gawain as Presented In Sir Gawain and The Green Knight." Gawain Website. Csis.pace.edu. Web. 08 Mar. 2012.

"The Pen Is Mightier than the Sword." Oels.byu.edu. Brigham Young University, 20 Feb. 2003. Web. 23 Mar. 2012.