Dr. Jedidiah's Diary Episode #27: Delma, the Model

Dr. Jedidiah is a psychiatrist who loves traveling, meeting new people, and exploring different cultures. As a single father who lost his wife Demi to drug overdose 10 years ago, he has not been his old perky self for the last decade. During those hard years, he has met hundreds of, thousands of people from various walks of life around all over the world. Meeting new people and listening to their stories outside his office have given him different feelings from the ones through the formal encounter groups or support groups for therapy. These people he has accidentally come across were the paths through which Dr. Jedidiah could look back on his own life, being truly honest with himself. Here is Dr. Jedidiah’s monologue that has left him with some food for thoughts in life….or a fodder to justify his own mistakes in the past.

Episode # 27. Delma, the Model

Delma stepped into my office like a shadow or a ghost. Her lips fully colored in burgundy red made her face more pale and somewhat washed out. By her sunken cheeks, bony limbs, and tall figure, I could instantly tell she was somebody in the field of fashion or beauty industry. The way she smirked seemed to bespeak some trouble that’d been brewed inside of her for all those years. The first thing she said as she was coming into my office was “Hello, Dr. Jedidiah. Do I look presentable enough?” I wondered if she was thinking of this boring space of mine as another catwalk she’d get the best of.

Her stylish outfit and glammed-up appearance made me hesitate to ask what brought her to a shrink. The chic purple jacket perfectly matched with her ambient lavender colors on her eyelids looked so far away from a psychiatrist’s room having this insipid and rigid climate.  Delma challenged me by saying “Doc, I wish I could expiate my own past as a wanton person, but don’t know what to do about it. I had been relentlessly indulging myself with all the evil things. I had been just……one bad, decadent soul totally depleted, consumed, ….and drained. Every night, I see a huge wave in the ocean gulping me down in my dreams. I just get out of my control.” Delma sounded so point-blank from the beginning that I could hardly ever suggest any ice-breaking moment with lambent jokes at all.

It was 20 years ago that an 18-year-old girl named Delma Christina Hamilton auditioned for the famous lady’s underwear brand. She was lucky enough to catch the insatiable eyes and taste of the notorious director of the top tier model agency. At the behest of the heartless director Joe, Delma started to join the club of ‘anorexia nervosa’. Delma said she had lived only on a couple of teaspoonfuls of porridge or oatmeal. Although there was no such thing as specific guidelines for applicants, young girls (who already looked like stick figures) went too far on their hungry journey to be chosen as a promising fashion model. Delma went on to say that she was always in search of fast ways for losing weight: Insanely small amount of foods, pot-smoking, one or two glasses of whiskey right the night before a show to fast reduce water retain inside their body, 5-6 hours of exercise a day, and …..still a bunch of radiant smile on her face to stay positive in that crazy life. Two decades of living way departed from the norm as a human, Delma reached the point of collapsed morality. She had been seeing her own promiscuous behavior as savoring every day with as many gorgeous model friends and agency directors as possible. Now that she became a weak woman, feeling totally dilapidated and ruined in body and soul, she might have needed some sobering piece of counselling to carry on with her life. Delma said “I want to live as a real human being. I want to laugh when others laugh, cry when others cry, love one person with all my heart like most others do, and enjoy all the foods that others enjoy. But I just can’t get back to my innocent days. Could you help me live my life as normally as can be? I mean…. just as common folks do.”

After a year or so of therapy sessions in my office, Delma finally invited me over to a cozy little French café where people stay as long as they want, tasting all different kinds of savory sweet treats like heavenly vanilla pastries, macarons, chocolate cream puffs, mille-feuille filled with berries and cream, banana pecan crème brulee, and you name it. She ordered each of those mouth-watering desserts on the menu for me and herself. I winked at Delma, saying “Whoa…have you finally determined to let yourself go?” She laughed her head off and winked back at me, saying “Hey, doc, let us just go as nutty as these colorful fruit cakes. Tomorrow is another day to join the club of anorexia nervosa and visit your office for more consultations, ain’t it?” We talked hours and hours in the outside table of the café even after the beautiful sunset in the distance. I wasn’t sure if Delma had been back to her happy old self by that moment, but could tell she was all smiles even in the twilight that day. She looked the most beautiful and shiniest ever since we first met.

Expressions

         1.  to smirk: to smile in an affected or smug manner

         2.  to bespeak: to indicate or signify  or to engage/ claim beforehand

         3.  catwalk: a platform along which models walk in a fashion show : RUNWAY

         4.  to get the best of: to outdo …./ to excel …..

         5.  ambient: (of surrounding/ atmosphere/ color or light) encompassing

         6.  insipid: dull/ flat/ lacking in qualities that interest, stimulate, or challenge

         7.  to expiate: to extinguish the guilt incurred by/ to put an end to….

         8.   lambent: softly bright or radiant/ witty

         9.  insatiable: incapable of being satisfied

10. at the behest of …….: because of being asked or ordered by someone

11.              anorexia nervosa: a serious disorder in eating behavior primarily of young women in their teens and early twenties that is characterized especially by a pathological fear of weight gain leading to faulty eating patterns, malnutrition, and usually excessive weight loss