Around this time
of every year, I normally find myself sitting in a quiet corner of my room with
my eyes closed, focusing on my breathing, and trying to recollect the past 12
months filled with lots of expected and unexpected events and episodes. This
past year started with the most unforgettably sad incident in my life. My
father passed away on the 13th of January, and it was snowing a lot
outside. The sudden rush of raw feeling of loss and emptiness has engulfed and
flooded through me as its bitterly cold and unfamiliar reminder each time
special days come along: Father’s day, his birthday, mother’s birthday, my
parents’ 52nd anniversary, my birthday, Christmas, to name a
few.
I do not believe
it is possible for anyone to completely come to terms with their beloved
parents’ or sibling’s or children’s deaths no matter how long ago they
happened. I am no the exception. It is not about forgetting or avoiding the
saddest day of our lives, but more about remembering and cherishing the shared
time with our loved ones. Saying goodbye to someone or something special in our
lives doesn’t necessarily mean that we are apart from them. In the midst of
going through a loss of loving folks, we see things clearer and learn how to
live in this right moment to the fullest. We realize there’s no such thing as a “guaranteed tomorrow” as we age. Then, why wait for later to say you love them
so much?
As we were
preparing the inter-State moving lately (from a small, peaceful Midwest town named
Peoria in Illinois to a somewhat more upbeat and busier city named San Antonio
in Texas), once again, we reached a point of saying goodbye to our close
friends of a decade made in our good old town. It was hard to hold back tears
and smile while sharing goodbye hugs and taking pictures together, but I knew
for sure that every single day since I left for a new home place would be more
packed with my love, thoughts, and fonder heart for them.
The year of 2017
has seemed to be the time for leaving or parting, but on the other hand, it has
led me to a point of keeping those I dearly love more tightly and strongly in
my heart. I will keep trying to fill my sad and sour hollow in my life with blessings
that I have. They are my memories shared with those special people that no one
can steal. That way, I’m gonna make this change in my life as seamless as
possible to go ahead for another day like peaceful yesterday. No need to
bedizen myself with a fake smile as I wrap up this year, but instead I rather feel
calm like a survivor after the stormy days. Adieu 2017!
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