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What the year of 2017 meant for me

Around this time of every year, I normally find myself sitting in a quiet corner of my room with my eyes closed, focusing on my breathing, and trying to recollect the past 12 months filled with lots of expected and unexpected events and episodes. This past year started with the most unforgettably sad incident in my life. My father passed away on the 13th of January, and it was snowing a lot outside. The sudden rush of raw feeling of loss and emptiness has engulfed and flooded through me as its bitterly cold and unfamiliar reminder each time special days come along: Father’s day, his birthday, mother’s birthday, my parents’ 52nd anniversary, my birthday, Christmas, to name a few. 

I do not believe it is possible for anyone to completely come to terms with their beloved parents’ or sibling’s or children’s deaths no matter how long ago they happened. I am no the exception. It is not about forgetting or avoiding the saddest day of our lives, but more about remembering and cherishing the shared time with our loved ones. Saying goodbye to someone or something special in our lives doesn’t necessarily mean that we are apart from them. In the midst of going through a loss of loving folks, we see things clearer and learn how to live in this right moment to the fullest. We realize there’s no such thing as a “guaranteed tomorrow” as we age. Then, why wait for later to say you love them so much?

As we were preparing the inter-State moving lately (from a small, peaceful Midwest town named Peoria in Illinois to a somewhat more upbeat and busier city named San Antonio in Texas), once again, we reached a point of saying goodbye to our close friends of a decade made in our good old town. It was hard to hold back tears and smile while sharing goodbye hugs and taking pictures together, but I knew for sure that every single day since I left for a new home place would be more packed with my love, thoughts, and fonder heart for them.


The year of 2017 has seemed to be the time for leaving or parting, but on the other hand, it has led me to a point of keeping those I dearly love more tightly and strongly in my heart. I will keep trying to fill my sad and sour hollow in my life with blessings that I have. They are my memories shared with those special people that no one can steal. That way, I’m gonna make this change in my life as seamless as possible to go ahead for another day like peaceful yesterday. No need to bedizen myself with a fake smile as I wrap up this year, but instead I rather feel calm like a survivor after the stormy days. Adieu 2017!

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