What the year of 2017 meant for me

Around this time of every year, I normally find myself sitting in a quiet corner of my room with my eyes closed, focusing on my breathing, and trying to recollect the past 12 months filled with lots of expected and unexpected events and episodes. This past year started with the most unforgettably sad incident in my life. My father passed away on the 13^th of January, and it was snowing a lot outside. The sudden rush of raw feeling of loss and emptiness has engulfed and flooded through me as its bitterly cold and unfamiliar reminder each time special days come along: Father’s day, his birthday, mother’s birthday, my parents’ 52^nd anniversary, my birthday, Christmas, to name a few. 

I do not believe it is possible for anyone to completely come to terms with their beloved parents’ or sibling’s or children’s deaths no matter how long ago they happened. I am no the exception. It is not about forgetting or avoiding the saddest day of our lives, but more about remembering and cherishing the shared time with our loved ones. Saying goodbye to someone or something special in our lives doesn’t necessarily mean that we are apart from them. In the midst of going through a loss of loving folks, we see things clearer and learn how to live in this right moment to the fullest. We realize there’s no such thing as a “guaranteed tomorrow” as we age. Then, why wait for later to say you love them so much?

As we were preparing the inter-State moving lately (from a small, peaceful Midwest town named Peoria in Illinois to a somewhat more upbeat and busier city named San Antonio in Texas), once again, we reached a point of saying goodbye to our close friends of a decade made in our good old town. It was hard to hold back tears and smile while sharing goodbye hugs and taking pictures together, but I knew for sure that every single day since I left for a new home place would be more packed with my love, thoughts, and fonder heart for them.

The year of 2017 has seemed to be the time for leaving or parting, but on the other hand, it has led me to a point of keeping those I dearly love more tightly and strongly in my heart. I will keep trying to fill my sad and sour hollow in my life with blessings that I have. They are my memories shared with those special people that no one can steal. That way, I’m gonna make this change in my life as seamless as possible to go ahead for another day like peaceful yesterday. No need to bedizen myself with a fake smile as I wrap up this year, but instead I rather feel calm like a survivor after the stormy days. Adieu 2017!

Peoria on My Mind

Peoria on My Mind

by Jean Lee

Love the corn fields in Summer time vast and wide;

Colorful autumn is such a winsome time.

Wintry air has made me a good cook of soups with pride;

Spring rain brings out flowers in their prime.

When I used to stumble and fall,

You were there;

Over good times, bad times, and all,

Showing me a sunny smile so rare.

When hope seems like the last thing to expect,

You don’t say “can’t” or “never”.

That’s why you’re the one to respect,

and we’ll be on your side forever.

If some time I look back on my good old days,

You will be right there in my memory.

As the unforgettable light that stays,

You will keep brightening up my life so happily.

I’m leaving my heart with you, Peoria.

You will always be my home of euphoria.

How to Face the Loss of Your Loved Ones

Everyone goes through the points in life when they lose the most precious and beloved persons to them. When they are in the sad phase of life, people send them heartfelt prayers, warm thoughts, and deep condolences. To some, it takes a few years to reel from their sorrow….no, it takes forever to survive the feelings of emptiness and hollow in heart until the very last day of their lives.

This week, I would like to share a link that shows us how to cope with the loss of our loved ones.

https://www.gaiam.com/blogs/discover/how-to-overcome-the-death-of-a-loved-one

STEP 1: ALLOW THE FEELINGS

Coping with the loss of a loved one brings up almost every emotion imaginable. There are times when more than one emotion seems to take hold at once, and you may feel as if you're “going crazy.” It's natural to feel this way, as it's normal to experience a number of different feelings.

Gently remind yourself in your time of bereavement and grief that your feelings are yours, and they are well within the norm. It's important to your process to understand that there is no "right" or "wrong" when it comes to your feelings about losing a loved one.

STEP 2: GATHER SUPPORT

While there may be times as you are coping with loss when you'll wish to be alone, it's important to gather a support group around you for those times when you might need them. Friends, family, a minister or rabbi, and perhaps a therapist are all people who can and should be accessed during your grief process. These individuals can be a source of emotional support as well as physical needs, if required. The death of a loved one often leaves a large hole in the life of the survivor that can be, at least temporarily, occupied by a support team.

STEP 3: ALLOW THE GRIEVING PROCESS

Bereavement and grief is a process. It's important to know that every person has their own way of coping with loss. You cannot put a time limit on your grief. You must allow yourself to experience the stages of grief as they come up.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, in her book, On Death and Dying, outlined five stages of grief. Each stage is unique and is not necessarily experienced in order. Stages may also be revisited. These stages are:

Denial: Your experience is incomprehensible, initially. You find it impossible to believe the loss of your loved one is real, and you may be numb from the experience.

Anger: As the truth of the situation begins to take hold, it's normal to feel anger and rage. This anger may be directed at yourself, the loved one for leaving you, doctors for not healing your loved one or even at God.

Bargaining: It's not unusual for survivors to cope with loss by trying to negotiate, usually with their higher power. Don't be surprised if you find yourself trying to make an “if only” deal with God.

Depression: The overwhelming sadness you feel is normal, and in most cases will not last forever. It's common to feel as if life will never be the same.

Acceptance: While this final stage of bereavement and grief is called “acceptance,” this refers to coming to terms with the finality of the loss and moving forward with your life. It does not mean that, from time to time, you may not revisit some of the stages listed above, but rather that the pain of your loss will become more manageable.

STEP 4: EMBRACE LIFE

Author David K. Switzer talks about the need to rediscover one’s own life in his book Dynamics of Grief: Its Source, Pain, and Healing. While the pain of your loss is real and must be felt, there will come a time when you must begin to live your own life again. By working through overcoming the death of a loved one, you will come to a place of accepting the death as a reality. You will find yourself able to move forward and embrace your life without your loved one by your side.

Your process through bereavement and grief are your own. Everyone responds differently to coping with loss. Above all, be kind to yourself and know that you will wake one day and find the pain is less, and life can go on.