Dr. Jedidiah’s Diary
Dr. Jedidiah is a psychiatrist who loves
traveling, meeting new people, and exploring different cultures. As a single
father who lost his wife to drug overdose 10 years ago, he has not been his old
perky self for the last decade. During those hard years, he has met hundreds
of, thousands of people from various walks of life around all over the world.
Meeting new people and listening to their stories outside his office have given
him different feelings from the ones through the formal encounter groups or
support groups for therapy. These people he has accidentally come across were
the paths through which Dr. Jedidiah could look back on his own life, being
truly honest with himself. Here is Dr. Jedidiah’s monologue that has left him
with some food for thoughts in life….or a fodder to justify his own mistakes in
the past.
Episode # 45. What the Nose Knows and Reminisces
Tessa always comes to my mind with the vivid memory of
her mellifluous perfume. Each time she stepped into my office and threw
herself onto the therapy couch, her sweet perfume filled the barren air of my
clinic. The first thing coming out of her mouth was always the same. “Why don’t
you give me some pills that would snap me out of this bad mood?” I wish I could
answer her same old question by giving her stronger and more efficient
medications for depression, but all I said was “No such thing to keep you
upbeat all the time, Tessa.” However, she never seemed quite convinced by my
words. She rather looked like trying to festinate me to wrap up our
therapy session of the day. Tessa was bearing down on me at full
throttle with her mad but desperate eyes whenever we met in my office. Even
before her sweet fragrance faded away from the space, our weekly therapy
session was over and she was gone leaving me some thoughts that no more argy-bargy
would be necessary to ease her pain.
Tessa’s boy friend, who had become so called “quondam
lover” of hers long ago, was a fragrance chemist. As one could easily imagine, perfume
creators would arduously make the most unique and unforgettably beautiful scent
as a gift for their loved ones. Tessa felt so blessed, collecting the
one-of-a-kind perfumes presented by her man, Jo on her birthdays for many years.
She said she used to turn heads with her signature aroma wherever she went from
her yoga studio to clothing stores even to a cosmetics section of fancy
department stores where they already had a lot of good perfumes sprayed all over.
Tessa felt as if she had been a queen of the place she was in just with the
help of all those dazzling smells given by her beau. Those days of hers filled
with love seemed to last forever until that night in late October. Tessa and Jo
were invited to the Halloween party held all night long at their mutual friend’s
house. Tessa was not wearing any perfume that night, because she thought there’d
be a lot of women wearing fragrances at the party, which could give her some bothering
headaches. Halfway through the party, Tessa and Jo had enjoyed gourmet cakes
and candies made by their host of the party, Sandra. Once they tasted Sandra’s
culinary artwork of all kinds on Halloween, their friends were hooked right on her
sweet treats. Tessa was no the exception.
When she came up to Sandra for some secret recipes in her
kitchen, Tessa suddenly had to stop for a moment and thought ‘Wait…I’m not wearing
my perfume today…but how come I’m smelling this familiar fragrance here in
Sandra’s kitchen?’ There was only two of them in the kitchen. Just Sandra and
Tessa. She was kind of dubious about her instant feelings and thoughts
about what she was smelling. That moment, Sandra was looking at Tessa in the
eye and wanted to say something she’d been holding back for years. Tessa said “No,
don’t say anything. Just don’t. I’m not ready to hear whatever you say. I’ll
never be….” Leaving Sandra’s kitchen in a hurry, Tessa almost stumbled over and
passed her boy friend Jo who had been standing still near the kitchen in the
unexpected surprise.
Tessa was so in love with Jo that she could hardly bring
up the issue to her boy friend even for a year after the night she was attacked
by the nefarious feelings in Sandra’s kitchen. The beautiful perfumes
from Jo would hurt and cut her heart like a sharp knife in her memory until
they eventually decided to go their separate ways.
As a psychiatrist, I’ve always been a believer in the
close relationship between scents and one’s memory of the past linked to the
smell. The cruelty of Proustian moment that smeared Tessa’s life had still been
lingering in my office years and years.
Expressions
1. mellifluous: sweet
or mellow or honeyed
2. to
festinate …: to hasten/ hurry something or someone
3. to bear down on someone: move directly toward someone or something in a purposeful or intimidating manner
4. argy-bargy:
quarreling or wrangling or bickering
5. quondam: former
6. dubious: doubting/
not to be relied upon
7. nefarious: wicked or criminal or illegal
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