Dr. Jedidiah’s Diary
Dr. Jedidiah is a psychiatrist who loves
traveling, meeting new people, and exploring different cultures. As a single
father who lost his wife to drug overdose 10 years ago, he has not been his old
perky self for the last decade. During those hard years, he has met hundreds
of, thousands of people from various walks of life around all over the world.
Meeting new people and listening to their stories outside his office have given
him different feelings from the ones through the formal encounter groups or
being truly honest with himself. Here is Dr. Jedidiah’s monologue that has left
him with some food for thoughts in life….or a fodder to justify his own
mistakes in the past.
Episode # 60. Memories with Melinda
It was weird to see the emptiness in the place where my
close friend Melinda had always been sitting. Her old chair at the checkout
desk looked like the loneliest nest deserted by a mother bird, which anyone
could tell it had seen better days.
Even though Melinda had never been a talkative person who
was trying hard to offer cliché type of greetings to every single visitor, people
who had seen her for years felt close and tight with her. Melinda was the only
librarian, since I started to become one of the regular crowd of that local
library (which was considerably big for a city library), that never ever had
failed to locate a book on the spot whenever I needed one. Even the old
and the rarest book of travelogues with exonumia or one of the undiscovered
encyclopedia of celluloid materials from the old days of Tinseltown
could be obtainable within the radar of the meticulous and assiduous librarian
with keen eyes. The only thing that was absent in Melinda was a welcoming
smile, because she always looked stern and serious, not very temperamental though,
like a nun who never seemed to be interested in any kind of foofaraw in
life. However, she was never the one who was condescending or doing the
genteel, but rather somewhat self-effacing in front of people. Mostly
quiet, to the point when speaking, always in control. That was just the true
color of Melinda. An hour or two at the library after my work
was the most peaceful time of a day when I would get cobwebs out of my
head by reading books or magazines of my choice or oftentimes those of her
picks. Most of all, it was our short conversation that helped me wrap up my days
just like the ways people did at the end of their yoga class: Namaste. Not only
Melinda’s words but even her silence had always provided me with lots of
awakening moments and the sense of peace just as if she meant to say “leave
it to beaver”. Yes, she was the only one back in those days that made me
forget about my own occupation as a shrink. Melinda was like a mind reader who emasculated
my expertise as a psychiatrist by saying “You need to go to the kids’
section and read The Lion King today, doc. Hakuna matata! Why fretting about
anything small in life?” I was able to feel there was no masked intention of innuendo
or sarcasm in her words for me. She was simply caring for a lonely heart like me.
On an early Fall afternoon, I was heading to the library just like everyday of my life after work. I was excited that day since I heard the news of my paper being selected by my fellow psychiatrists as the best thesis published in a year. Melinda was not my girlfriend or soul mate, but fair enough, she was the very first person who came to my mind when I heard my own good news. On my way there to the library, I was expecting to see her giving me a vague smile to congratulate, which was very infrequent, and give me a chance to extend my gratitude to Melinda for being right there for me for years. Instead of her quiet existence, her empty chair at the checkout desk caught my eyes, and her assistant librarian Mary broke the unbelievable news to me in tears. “Melinda had a stroke last night and passed alone at home.” Mary’s words were not making any sense to me. Her voice was like a meaningless sound or noise from a distance to me. I kept asking myself why. I just couldn’t get it why God kept taking away my beloved people at the least expected moment in my life.
Melinda’s parents and siblings contacted me the next day.
To my surprise, they told me that Melinda used to talk a lot about me when they
had family get-together. Then they asked me to write a eulogy for
Melinda at her funeral. Writing a eulogy for Melinda? But I'd never had a chance to write her my feelings about her in person yet. I became speechless at the thought about me holding a
place in Melinda’s heart. My head began to get filled with cobwebs again. Leaving
this old chair that looked like a huge dent in my heart, Melinda must have had
no idea that some kind of strong feelings of attachment or maybe love was accruing
on my lonely heart. Where should I go to clear my mind and leave for home in
peace?
(*picture source: https://www.whatcomtalk.com/2021/04/02/remodel-update-road-to-reopening-bellingham-public-library/)
Expressions
1. on the
spot:
immediately; at the scene of an action or event
2. exonumia: any non-monetary object of interest to numismatists, such as medals , tokens
3. celluloid: a name for film used in shooting movies/ of or related to movie-making
4. temperamental: someone whose mood often changes suddenly
5. foofaraw: a great deal of fuss or attention given to a minor matter; showy frills added unnecessarily
6. to do the genteel: to have an aristocratic quality or flavor; ‘genteel’ largely connotates negative, meaning free from what is low, vulgar, or connected with the uncultivated classes
7. self-effacing: having or showing a tendency to make oneself modestly or shyly inconspicuous
8. to get cobwebs out: to clear confusion from one’s mind/ head
9. Leave it to beaver: Don’t worry about it or Chill out. (This expression was originally from the 1950s TV show in the States.)
10. to emasculate: to deprive of strength, vigor, or spirit : weaken
11. to fret about something: to worry about something/ to be nervous about something
12. innuendo: an indirect remark or gesture that suggests or implies something derogatory; an allusive or oblique remark or hint, typically a suggestive or disparaging one.
13. fair enough: You say “fair enough” when you want to say that a statement, decision, or action seems reasonable to a certain extent, but that perhaps there is more to be said or done. For instance, “Fair enough, but we can't wait too much longer.”
14. eulogy: a speech, piece of writing, poem, etc. containing great praise, especially for someone who recently died or retired from work
15. to accrue: to increase in number or amount over a period of time
