Dr.
Jedidiah’s Diary
Dr. Jedidiah is a psychiatrist who loves traveling,
meeting new people, and exploring different cultures. As a single father who
lost his wife to drug overdose 10 years ago, he has not been his old perky self
for the last decade. During those hard years, he has met hundreds of, thousands
of people from various walks of life around all over the world. Meeting new
people and listening to their stories outside his office have given him
different feelings from the ones through the formal encounter groups or support
groups for therapy. These people he has accidentally come across were the paths
through which Dr. Jedidiah could look back on his own life, being truly honest
with himself. Here is Dr. Jedidiah’s monologue that has left him with some food
for thoughts in life….or some fodder to justify his own mistakes in the past.
Episode
#5
It was around this time of year when Jonah came to my
clinic with her mother. Jonah had a normal girl-next-door look, which made me
wonder what brought her to this place where a shrink is ready to detect the
dark culprits of people’s pain in their mind. I said to myself ‘Isn’t it time
for most high schoolers to kick off their shoes and get ready to enjoy the long
summer break? Otherwise, some hard-core goal-getters with a dream of getting
admitted into the top tier colleges must be signing up for AP courses or
already on a campus of prestigious universities to start a special summer
program. Hmmm….what on earth is this poor high school girl doing here in a
psychiatrist’s office around this joyful, relaxing, or fruitful time of
year?!!’
Jonah was a quiet student…….off line. Her mother shed
tears saying that Jonah had been suspended several times from school. She had
been summoned to the counselor’s office so many times for her continuous
misconducts on line. She was anonymously bullying other girls through spreading
groundless rumors about them on twitter. Her efforts to stay anonymous while
hurting random fellow students on line came to no avail. Everyone found out
that it was Jonah, the painfully quiet girl outside of the cyber world.
It was not until we reached the point of 5 to 6 times
of meetings that Jonah started to unravel the mystery of her cyber bully by
confiding what she had been doing behind her computer monitor. She had always
thought she was the invisible at school. No matter how hard she tried inside to
get confidence to voice her opinions, it just felt like everyone at school was
viewing her as a silent dumb or epigone of good students who never make a noise
in class. Jonah wanted to shout that she is right there as a normal kid with
whom her classmates would laugh, eat lunch, go shopping, and gossip about
others…..off line, NOT secretly on line.
Being annihilated from friends had made Jonah turn into
a sad solitary hikikomory. To Jonah, the world around her means nothing but a
huge bunch of people that she wanted to push around or pick on. She had not had a chance
to harmonize or be on good terms with anyone. Her life as a painful loner had
rendered her into a cyber monster that keeps eating innocent friends alive by
poisonous, acrimonious, and unforgivably bitter words. In the end, her own
misunderstanding or blinkered thoughts and distorted mind about how she was treated by others
tossed her into the pit of despair.
As a person who has been hurt and wounded by reckless
cyber attacks before, not as a shrink who just gives away standardized
diagnosis or solutions, I helped Jonah to realize how detrimental and dangerous
it is to terrorize innocent people out there behind her computer monitor, especially
in this world that seemingly looks like having a close connection towards one
another. Jonah came to learn that she had been terribly delusional and almost
came to a place where she got nobody to trust around her. She said she had been
feeling like less-than-perfect or even rotten strawberries in the bottom of a
punnet. Through our half a year of heartfelt conversations, Jonah had gradually
become a new girl who was ready to come out of her twisted and distorted side
of her soul.
I do hope and pray many sad, frustrated internet users
who blame the whole world have a chance to stop and listen to what they are
thinking deep down inside. If all they need is love, they need to reach out and
ask for help. The world has more lovers than haters.
Expressions
1. shrink:
(noun) a clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, or psychotherapist
2. AP course:
Advanced Placement (AP) is a program in the United States and Canada created by
the College Board which offers college-level curricula and examinations to high
school students
3. to
confide: tell someone about a secret or private matter while trusting them not
to repeat it to others
4. epigone:
(noun) a less distinguished follower or imitator of someone, especially an
artist or philosophe
5. hikikomory:
(noun) (in Japan) the abnormal avoidance of social contact, typically by
adolescent males
6. to push
around: (verb) informal treat someone roughly or inconsiderately, to victimize
or threaten someone
7. to be on
good terms with someone: (phrase) to have a friendly or pleasant relationship
(with someone)
8. blinkered:
(adjective) limited in scope or understanding or narrow-minded
9. punnet:
(noun) a small light basket/ container for fruit or vegetables
